Praise be to Allaah.
Before answering your
question, it is essential to draw your attention to the fact that working in
mixed workplaces with men and women together is not permissible, and it is
one of the doors that lead to corruption, as its effects on society are
We have mentioned the
evidence for the prohibition on mixing in question no.
The one who is faced with
the problem of working in a mixed environment – if he cannot leave that job
– must avoid looking at women and being alone with them and talking to them
about things that do not have to do with work.
Among the negative
consequences of haraam mixing is what happens between men and non-mahram
women whom they call “work colleagues”, such as haraam looking, talking and
correspondence, and in many cases it leads to haraam relationships.
With regard to your
question, it seems from your question that you did not do the marriage
contract with this woman. Based on that, you are still a “stranger”
(non-mahram) to her so it is not permissible for you to be alone with her or
to talk to her too much, until the marriage contract is done between you.
The marriage contract with a woman is not valid unless it is done in the
presence of her wali (guardian). As her father has died, guardianship passes
to her paternal grandfather. If there is no paternal grandfather, then it
passes to one of her brothers. If she has no brother then guardianship
passes to her paternal uncles. The wali does not have the right to prevent
marriage without an acceptable shar’i reason. If he does prevent her, then
guardianship passes from him to the next closest relative, then to the
sharee’ah judge or one who is acting in his stead. It should also be noted
that the maternal uncles cannot be walis of the woman.
See the order of
guardianship in the answer to question no.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn
Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If the woman likes a man and
he is compatible with her, then her guardian, such as her brother then
paternal uncles, must marry her to him. If they prevent her from getting
married, then the next closest wali should give her in marriage, or the
ruler, without (the wali’s) permission, according to scholarly consensus.
The wali does not have the right to force her to marry someone she does not
like, or to prevent her from marrying someone she does like if he is
compatible, according to scholarly consensus. It is only people of ignorance
and wrongdoing who force women into marriage or prevent them from marrying,
who give their female relatives in marriage to people whom they choose for
their own purposes, not the woman’s interests, and force them or embarrass
them into doing that, and prevent them from marrying those they want out of
enmity towards them or to serve some purpose. All of these are acts of
Jaahiliyyah (ignorance), oppression and enmity, and are forbidden by Allaah
and His Messenger. The Muslims are unanimously agreed that they are haraam.
Allaah has enjoined women’s guardians to look at the woman’s interests, not
their own whims and desires, like all other guardians and deputies who act
on behalf of others. Their aim should be the interests of the one on whose
behalf they are acting, not their own whims and desires. This comes under
the heading of the trust (amaanah) that Allaah has commanded should be
fulfilled, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, Allaah
commands that you should render back the trusts to those, to whom they are
due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice” [al-Nisa’
4:58]. This is also part of sincerity that is required. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Religion is sincerity
(naseehah)” three times. It was asked, “To whom, O Messenger of Allaah?” He
said, “To Allaah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the leaders of the
Muslims and to their common folk.”
But we advise you not to
marry her without the agreement of her family; it is essential to gain their
approval and win them over, so that you will not be a cause of breaking of
family ties that may never be healed after that.
And Allaah knows best.