Praise be to Allaah.
If you uttered what you
mention of reviling the faith and the divine decree, then undoubtedly what
you did was a serious matter, which is apostasy from Islam. By doing that
you behaved badly towards Allaah the Almighty Who has blessed you, created
you and guided you, and Who is more merciful towards you than anyone else.
Perhaps He diverted you from engineering for some good that He wanted to
bring to you, or for some evil that He wanted to ward off from you, and you
should have accepted that and been content with it.
But if it is something that
you merely thought or said to yourself, and did not utter out loud, and it
did not settle in your heart, then you should have hastened to reject it and
brought to mind the blessings of Allaah and His bounty towards you.
Whatever the case, your
giving up prayer is another sin, and it is known that with regard to the one
who does not pray out of laziness there is a difference of opinion among the
scholars, but the most correct view is that he is a kaafir, because the
texts indicate that.
No matter how great your
sin, the forbearance of Allaah is greater.
No matter what your sin, if
you repent from it, then Allaah will accept your repentance and forgive you.
He has promised that and He is the most sincere of speakers, may He be
glorified and exalted.
The verse which you
mention, in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, Allaah forgives not that partners should be set up
with Him (in worship), but He forgives except that (anything else) to whom
He wills” [al-Nisa’ 4:48] applies to those who
meet Him without having repented from shirk; Allaah will not forgive them.
But as for those who repent before the death rattle reaches the throat, and
before the sun rises from the west, Allaah will accept that from them, and
will turn their bad deeds into good, whether they committed kufr and shirk,
or major or minor sins. What matters is sincere repentance, regretting what
one has done in the past and resolving never to go back to it.
The evidence for that is
the verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke
not any other ilâh (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah
has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse
___and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be
doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in
70. Except those who
repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for
those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is
Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
“And verily, I am indeed
forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none
in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant
in doing them (till his death)”
“Know they not that
Allaah accepts repentance from His slaves and takes the Sadaqaat (alms,
charity), and that Allaah Alone is the One Who forgives and accepts
repentance, Most Merciful?”
There is no difference
between one who was originally a kaafir, then Allaah guided him, and one who
was a Muslim and then apostatized – Allaah forbid – then repented and turned
back to Allaah. Repentance erases the sins that came before it, and Islam
erases that which came before it.
The verse in which Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who
have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)!
Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly,
He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Zumar 39:53], is general in
meaning and applies to everyone who sins then repents, whether he was
originally a kaafir or he was a Muslim then apostatized. It includes all
those who commit sin.
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: This verse is a call to all sinners, kaafirs and
others, to repent and turn back to Allaah. It tells us that Allaah, may He
be blessed and exalted, forgives all sins for the one who repents to Him and
gives up the sin, no matter what it is, even if his sins are many and like
the foam of the sea. It is not correct to interpret this as meaning that all
sins will be forgiven without repentance, because shirk can never be
forgiven except in the case of one who repents from it. End quote from
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (4/75).
As for those who will be
driven away from the Cistern, of whom it will be said: “You do not know what
they introduced after you were gone,” this applies to those who did not
repent, rather they meet Allaah as sinners and apostates.
If you have repented to
Allaah, then be of good cheer and praise Allaah for having caused you to
live until you came back to Islam. Do a lot of righteous deeds and strive to
do a lot of acts of worship, so that after you repent you will be better
than you were before. Beware of neglecting prayer or delaying prayer until
the time for it is over, because prayer is very important and it is the
connection between a person and his Lord, and it is the door to happiness
and peace of mind. We ask Allaah to accept it from you and to pardon your
And Allaah knows best.