Praise be to Allaah.
We are very happy that you have asked us for help with this
matter before going ahead with it. We only like for you what we would like
for our own daughters and sisters. Protect the most valuable thing that you
have, and beware of letting the shaytaan trick you with so-called love or
My daughter, we would be very happy if you prayed regularly,
wore hijab, acquired the characteristics of chastity and modesty, and
adhered to the teachings of Islam which came to raise man’s status and
We would be very sad that if you did the opposite of that,
and the Shaytaan tricked you and lead you to your doom, so that you would be
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter without realizing it.
This is a serious matter, not a joke. Many other girls have
gone down this path which led to loss, and they regretted it, but that came
when it was too late, at a time when regret was to no avail. On this site
you will find many such stories from which you will learn a lesson; beware
of becoming a lesson to others.
It is not permissible for a woman to form a relationship with
any man who is a stranger (non-mahram) to her, even if her intention is to
get married, because Allaah has forbidden being alone with a non-mahram
member of the opposite sex, or shaking hands with her or looking at her,
except in the case of necessity such as proposing marriage or giving
testimony; it is also forbidden for a woman to flaunt her adornment or to
uncover her ‘awrah in front of non-mahram men, or to go out among them
wearing perfume or to speak softly to men. These prohibitions are known from
the evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and no exceptions are made for one
who wants to get married or even for one who is actually proposing marriage,
because a fiancé is still a non-mahram and a stranger to the woman until the
marriage contract is done.
1 – The reports that indicate that it is haraam to be alone
with a non-mahram woman even if she is with her fiancé include the report
narrated by al-Bukhaari (3006) and Muslim (1341) from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may
Allaah be pleased with him) who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be alone with a woman.”
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “No, no man is alone with a woman but the third one present is
the Shaytaan.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2165), classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
2 – The evidence that indicates that it is haraam for a man
to look at a woman includes the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking
at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual
acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do”
Muslim (2159) narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about an accidental look and he
commanded me to avert my gaze.
An accidental look is when one’s gaze happens to fall on a
woman without one intending it, such as when a man is looking where he is
going and so on.
As for a woman, she may look at a man without desire, if
there is no risk of fitnah, but if there is any desire or risk of fitnah
then it is not permissible.
3 – The evidence that it is haraam to shake hands with a
non-mahram woman is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him): “If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an
iron needle, that would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman
who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani from the hadeeth
of Ma’qil ibn Yasaar; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’,
no. 5045. The sin in this case is on both the man and the woman.
4 – The evidence that it is haraam for a woman to flaunt
herself and show her adornment before non-mahram men is the hadeeth narrated
by Muslim (2128) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell whom I have not seen.
People with whips like the tails of cattle with which they beat the people,
and women who are clothed yet naked, going astray and leading others astray,
with their heads looking like the humps of bakht camels, leaning to one
side. They will not enter Paradise nor even smell its fragrance, although
its fragrance may be detected from such and such a distance.”
The bakht camel is a type of camel that has a long neck.
5 – The evidence that it is haraam for a woman to go out
wearing perfume so that non-mahram men can smell its fragrance is the words
of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Any woman
who puts on perfume then passes among the people so that they can smell its
fragrance is an adulteress.” Nararted by al-Nasaa’i (5126), Abu Dawood
(4173) and al-Tirmidhi (2786); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh
6 – The evidence that it is haraam to speak softly to men is
the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women.
If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in
whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should
be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”
If this applies to the pure Mothers of the Believers, then it
applies even more so to other women.
That which is called love between a man and a non-mahram
woman is bound to include some of these haraam matters, if not all of them
or more. May Allaah keep us and you safe from all evil.
What you have to do is repent to Allaah and beware of His
wrath and punishment. Break off all ties with this young man immediately and
do not think of meeting him. Do not respond to his request to go out with
you, rather you should cut off all contact with him completely. The
beginning of this evil is when your heart feels attracted to him, then the
Shaytaan may gradually lead you to look at him, and speak to him, until you
feel love for him. So do not make matters worse by speaking to him or going
out with him.
Remember that many calamities begin with small steps, then
things happen that no one imagined. How often has a young woman trusted
herself too much and thought that that young man would never do anything to
her, then the result was that she lost everything. Then this wolf who used
to visit her and who wanted to marry her withdraws, because she is no longer
fit for him. How can he trust her when she has allowed herself to form a
relationship with a man who is not her mahram?
When we say this to you, we are saying it as sincere advice
and because we want the best for you. We ask Allaah to protect you from all
And Allaah knows best.