Praise be to Allaah.
We understand your feelings towards your child as a mother
and how you feel when you see that Allah has tested your son with what you
mentioned. We will highlight a few points that we hope will be beneficial to
you in dealing with this test and handling it well.
You have to ponder the great wisdom of Allah, may He be
exalted, in what He decrees; the fact that your son was created with only
four fingers is included in what you should ponder. Allah, may He be
exalted, has not created anything in vain; rather He has created it for
sublime reasons and great wisdom. For example, He has decreed that some of
His creation should be affected by physical defects in which they vary. One
of the greatest wisdoms behind that is that this is a test for his parents,
and for the son when he grows up and become an adult who is accountable. We
have discussed this in detail in the answer to question no.
We hope that you will not be distracted by painful memories,
because focusing too much on feelings of sorrow and pain will lead to
neglecting your duties and not striving in the child’s best interests. It
may also lead you -- Allah forbid -- to get angry and object to what Allah,
may He be exalted, has done.
We do not think that the fact that Allah created your son
with four fingers is a serious test. Allah has made his mind sound and has
made him able to move, and he can eat, sleep, see and hear. These are great
blessings for which you need to be grateful.
We advise you to take care of your son and teach him skills
in which he may be able to surpass his peers, to make up for the defect in
his body. For example, you could teach him to memorize Qur’aan or seek
knowledge, which will make him a distinctive child who is praised, so he
will not feel that he is less than his peers.
Avoid dealing with him on the basis of pure emotions; do not
let him see that you are upset or sad, so that he will not feel that he is
less than his siblings or peers.
Tell his brothers and sisters that they have to be careful in
the way they speak to him and not make fun of him, and there should be
strict punishment for anyone who goes against that.
Work with the school administration and social services so
that he will be taken care of and looked after, anyone making fun of him
will be punished and he will be helped to overcome the effects of that if it
Try to make your son one of those who frequent the mosques,
so that he will have good friends who are seekers of knowledge and those who
have memorized the Qur’aan. These are the people who -- in sha Allah -- will
not make fun of him.
When he grows up, teach him that Allah, may He be exalted,
has tested other people with things that are more severe than what he has
been tested with. There are some who cannot move, and some who are insane,
or blind, or deaf, or who have leukaemia, or who have to have kidney
dialysis every two days, and so on. There are many severe calamities that
Allah has spared him from. He should understand that what Allah has tested
him with is nothing in comparison to other severe calamities. Over and above
all that, he should understand that he has been given the greatest blessing,
namely Islam; Allah has made him one of those who proclaim the Oneness of
Allah, which is an immense blessing for which he should give thanks with his
heart, his tongue and all his physical faculties. And he should understand
that this world is the place of tests, trials, sorrow, pain and
imperfection, and that happiness, joy and perfection will come in the
Paradise of eternity, so let him strive to be one of its people.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you and make things
easy for you, and we ask Him, may He be exalted, to guide him to that which
leads to His pleasure.
And Allah knows best.