Praise be to Allaah.
Settling in a kaafir country is not permissible unless
certain conditions are met, the most important of which are that the one who
does that is sufficiently religiously committed to protect himself against
desires; he has sufficient knowledge and insight to protect himself against
specious arguments; he is able to practice his religion openly; and he feels
safe for himself and his family. For further details on that please see the
answers to questions no. 13363
There is no doubt that taking the children and moving to this
country involves many serious dangers to their religious commitment and
morals, especially for girls at the adolescent stage. It seems that this is
the reason why your husband does not want you to go and join him. It is not
appropriate for you to interpret that as meaning that he does not love you
and that the bond between you has become weak. You should not think that
your husband is happier when he is far away from his wife and children. The
Shaytaan is keen to exploit such matters in order to spread poison and
provoke doubt and suspicion. So you should beware of that.
Weighing up between staying in a country where you feel like
a stranger and feel lonely, but you do not have to worry about your
children’s upbringing, and moving to a country where there are many dangers
to a sound upbringing and there are great possibilities of going astray, is
something that requires careful study and examination of all possible
circumstances. It may be that no one can do that except both of you. So seek
the help of Allah and consult one another about this matter; discuss it from
all angles whilst focusing on the pros and cons. Islam came to achieve and
perfect what is in people’s best interests, and to ward off and reduce what
may corrupt them. We will present a few points to you that could help you to
weigh up these matters.
Your daughter may be able to study in an Islamic school in
the United Kingdom. This may strengthen the case for you moving to join your
husband. Then you would be reunited, you will no longer feel lonely and both
of you would be able to attain the rights prescribed in sharee‘ah of
shelter, love and stability, and thus your husband will be able to supervise
his oldest son, and direct him and ward off a great deal of harm from him.
Similarly, if it is possible for your daughter to follow a
course of study through distance learning in the United Kingdom or
elsewhere, so that she will be safe from the evil effects of mixing, that
will support the idea of your moving.
If your need for your husband is urgent and you fear for
yourself if you stay alone, then you should definitely move so as to ward
off this problem.
Your choice should not involve your daughter studying in a
mixed school, because there is no doubt that mixed schools are haraam and
organised studies are not obligatory for girls; rather a girl is required to
learn what she needs of her religion, and this can be achieved through many
means, such as attending classes and seminars, benefitting from Islamic
centres, satellite channels, the internet and so on, if there is someone who
can support the girl such as a father or mother or husband. Then it is not
essential for her to study with the aim of getting a job. The necessity of
preserving religious commitment takes precedence over completing education
or attaining high positions.
What we are inclined towards in general is to bring the
family together in one place, even if that means missing out on some
benefits, because the problems that result from the family being scattered
are greater than the benefits thereof, as it appears to us.
We ask Allah to help and guide you both.
And Allah knows best.