Islam Question and Answer - She was raped when she was small; should she tell her fiancé?

Fri 14/7/1434 - 24/5/2013

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Fiqh of the family » Rulings on Marriage

She was raped when she was small; should she tell her fiancé?

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I am a young woman aged twenty-six. I was raped when I was eight years old and when I reached puberty I began to do the secret habit. After I found out that it is haraam, I tried hard to give it up but I did not succeed until, when I was completing my graduate studies, I was expelled from the university, and I began to feel that this is a warning from Allah so that I will give up this sin. And in fact I have repented to Allah, praise be to Allah. Since puberty I have had acne on my body and my face, and it has left marks on all parts of my body. Young men have started to come to propose marriage to me because I come from a good family and they know that I am religiously committed and well mannered, but they were not suitable and I found reasons to reject them. But now a young man has proposed marriage to me; he is religiously committed and of good character, and there is no reason to reject him. But I am confused about my situation and I do not know whether my hymen is intact? Is it permissible for me to conceal this matter from this young man, given that my family do not know about me being raped and I accept what my Lord decreed for me, praise be to Allah? Is it permissible for me to reject this young man? My family are strongly opposed to the idea of me rejecting him and they are saying that I have gotten old and will not always have such opportunities. I am confused; should I accept? How can I tell him about the situation? I am very shy and my family are putting pressure on me and they do not see any reason to reject him. Please advise me.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the young man who has proposed to you is pleasing in terms of religious commitment and character, then you should accept to marry him. You do not have to tell him about the matter of the hymen – if it is proven that it was broken – because there is no interest to be served by telling him, and because of the negative consequences that may result from telling him.

If he asks you after you get married, you can pretend that you did not know and you can use double entrendres. The hymen may be broken by many things, such as jumping, riding a bike, heavy menstruation, insertion of a finger, and so on. If you are forced to lie and you are afraid that if he finds out the truth he will divorce you, it is permissible to you to do that.

The scholars said concerning someone who fell into zina then repented, that she does not have to tell her husband and that it is permissible for her to lie in order to conceal herself. Undoubtedly one who was raped and did not approach sin by her own choice, or one to whom that happened before the age of accountability, is more deserving of being covered.

See also the answer to question no. 83093

And Allah knows best.

Islam Q&A